19

Yes. I just turned 19 this October 18. 19 is my favorite number. There's just something about 19. Honestly, I don't feel it. I mean, I don't fully believe 19 is my age but I guess I'll just have to live with it, that every October 18, my age will add another one to it.. and another.

So this is my last year as a teen? I think I'm freaking out inside. But I know there's nothing I could do about that as life goes on.

My day started with waking up (oh really) and of course I knew it's my birthday. I didn't expect much, as last year's was a big one, and it should've been, so I'm very much fine with that. Today is different. I have to go to uni. So with the usual routine I go, getting ready and eating brunch, except it also happens to be my birthday.

I'm happy to realize my dad will drive me to the train station as he goes off to work. There was this moment when I don't know what to feel about. As my dad was driving, he asked, "So what do you want for your birthday?" and I never answered anything, just silence in the car. He went on.. "Oh you don't want anything anymore. You already have everything you want." (The words weren't exactly constructed like this, first of all because they were in a different language, and the exact words were more subtle but the message was definitely that.) Another silence.. The truth is that I don't know the exact response to both.

Last year, I was turning 18 and there was this party, and I really wanted a camera (did so much research and everything else to consider) and by mid-November 2015 I received one. During those times, I knew I wanted a camera, and until now I'm very happy with the decision. It's not the perfect camera, yes, but I just don't feel like changing for this "much better camera" (and there might be a lot) because I low-key expected that already but I promised to be contented with mine, and I'm glad to be keeping up with the promise. During those times, I promised to myself to never ask for anything else anymore (at least for things that cost a lot, in our family's terms) unless probably very much needed or very reasonable.

So what do I want for my birthday? I could ask for a study table for my room (but they already know that long ago) or something, but I'm not gonna ask for anything. The truth is of course I want a lot of things, but that's a normal part of being human, unlimited wants. It's not true that I have everything I want. That's just normal again. But I can actually say that I am contented for the moment being. My silence doesn't mean no and it also doesn't mean yes. I could have something or I couldn't but any of the two would be alright to me.

And then I arrive at the train station. Everything went on normally, except it was my birthday (we get it!) so this is the only day in a year I get so much notifications courtesy of birthday greetings from fb and such.

And then classes started and everyone knew it was my (not gonna say it) most definitely because fb notified them about it. What surprised me, above all of the birthday greetings (honestly, what might be more surprising are the people who didn't greet lol), are just the things my two closest college friends did. First, this friend of mine from a different class couldn't see me (or so she thought) so she left something in my locker.. but.. my locker had no lock in it (I misplaced it one time on this very unusual moment a few days ago and I don't know why I haven't been planning on getting a new one) so she locked it with her own. I had to wait for her during dismissal to unlock it. It ended with her letting me borrow the lock for the rest of the semester. So it went well after all. The other friend of mine surprised me by saying that she'll stay the night at my house (which takes hours to reach and the route can be terrible, or is terrible, actually).

Originally it was supposed to be a family dinner, but I texted my high school friends (not really expected much because we all planned something to do for the weekend) but glad one friend could come. So it was the three of us. We watched movies and ate anything there was to eat including the strawberry cake pictured above, until it was time for my high school friend to go. And then it was the two of us watching a movie in bed and we barely slept. Hours passed until it was morning and off to uni we go. Normal days ahead again, instead this time I'm 19.